We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
