Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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