toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
