I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
