the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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