I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
