Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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