I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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