If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
