Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
