I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
