Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
