omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
