She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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