You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
