I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
