for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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