well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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