I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
