I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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