I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
