I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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