I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
