wat bout pragnant strippers??
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
