Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize