when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
