i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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