Define "chronic" masturbator.
my being single is dangerous.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
