Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize