I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
