Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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