You're my little dorito
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
