whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
