so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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