They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
