hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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