i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
