i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
