She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
