Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm bleeding and have questions
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
