I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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