we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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