There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
is it fun? or sober?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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