She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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