Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
