Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
