Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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