im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
