why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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