you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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