Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize