p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
