I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
