HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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