dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize