and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize