The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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