first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
