and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
