can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
