If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
