i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Everyone says I win the strip club
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
