Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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