sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
