Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
