She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
