New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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