I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
