Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
