I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
