You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
