Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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