If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
