he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club š
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
