I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
