You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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