u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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