Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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