i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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