Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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