I cannot find my penis.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
