It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
