a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
